everythings

coming back I don't like it
I have flashbacks about it when I go to bed
Some mornings I wake up crying
I wish I could shut down
But I can't

why isn't she still here?
why didn't I go see her for the last time?
why did I not have the bottle to go to the hospital at 5:00am

The only day I remember vivdly is that day
I can tell what happened leading up to it
I can even tell you where I was when I got told

I don't I've gotten over it
and I'm scared that I won't

And I'm scared to tell my Dad how I feel about it all
So I will tell my followers instead

Cos you are my closest and best friends okay.

THANKS BABES'S

yo baby can I get another lapdance

I have neglected this too much so I will post one at the end of every month to make up for it in some way starting from this month thanks Emma for the idea babes :D :D

Yeah I will get back to posting :D

cold as a winters day , hot as a summers eve

ah past few weeks have been alreet tbh , a few bad days here and there but still i have a feeling 2010 is my year , idk why i have a feeling that something good is going to happen.

also yesterday i recieved my first valentines day card from alice , i have never had one before , how depressing :

anyways yesterday davey left so the double film lesson was just fun as we went to the drama hall dressed up and mucked on with face paints it was cool!

but tomorrow should be good i have £20 to last me this week! it should last me , hope it does , i actually can't wait to get drunk tomorrow , i'll just get a trebble and a shot that should do the trick!

this was such a pointless update ahahaha still it needed to be updated!

i

take back what i said before , i understand that my dad could have just fucked off when things got shit but he didn't , i do understand that he is trying to teach me how to manage my monies , then i just throw it back in his face.

i will change my spedning ways , i will , i will , I WILL!

i love blogs they get everything off my chest!

yo yo

alreeeeeeet! been nearly a week since i updated this badboy ;) , this week has been okay i guess, i cried on the bus today lmao me being silly and what not. oh and in film we watched slumdog millionaire i didn't think it were going to be my cup of tea tbh!

tomorrow is alice's birthday party/gathering thing it should be gooooood crack!

anyways this post came from the new computer ;D

where the dream woulda been if the boys got clean

ah today was good , i took my brother to school and then came back to do my hair , i decided to wear my hair up i loved the way my fringe was looking today i liked it curlyish , then i set off to leyla's to do my coursework honsently i can't concerntrate in my own house too many distractions but i wrote loads like 2 and a bit pages about Take That lyrics :D

then i went in for dinner discovered my dad had given me no crisps ahaha but leyla owed me a pound so i bought some , then i had enrichment/tutor then we had to go to a talk in the exam hall eee i couldn't stop creasing what made it worse was that someone had wrote on the desk the bbc1 daytime tele schedule saying watch flog it at 11:30 am every week day LMAO!

after this me and leyla ventured into town and talked about films and stuff it has actually never occured to me how much i love british films , they are so much better than blockbusters tbh mainly because they contain more realism i think that is because i like Shane Meadows and Danny Boyle. if you get the chance watch their work!

oh and before i worked out that i am gunna spend roughly £44 on dvd's outta my £100 bonus still i need the hangover & trainspotting in particular! oh god i love them films!

you know that i'm no good

today was good tbh , on friday i had slept at leyla's she was dying her hair with bleech so i decided to get a strand done it looks lush but leyla's hair did look nice too the blue was gorgeous.

also yesterday night while at leyla's i began to read this book called New Boy i read 5 chapters , the chapters are so short which is good as i have began to read again but i left it at leyla's along with my deodourant , perfume and body spray so i'll wait till monday to get them back or something.

i will post the pictures of the dying of the hair on facebook in a bit with a few other photos from this year so far.

plus i am sick of the snow and general cold , like yeah fair enough it got me out of college but still i have been bored inside tbh :/

first

Day off i have ever had due to weather it has been good actually i got up at 11:45 , i am so lazy then at about one i watched Donnie Brasco. i enjoyed it but it was too similar to The Departed which put me off a bit tbh but overall i enjoyed it it had Jonny Depp and Al Pacino in .

After watching Donnie Brasco i sorted out my shelf which has my favourite dvds on , then i decided to put on Casanova it is rather good it is the only period drama thing i actually like i think it is mainly due to the the fact that it is mainly about sex and has David Tennant in ahahah :')

I hope and pray that i get my EMA tomorrow i need it for Saturday cos if i don't get i can't go out if not i might ask leyla to lend me some ahahah :')

Anyways i leave with this video this the only fan video of The Mighty Boosh i actually like tbh!

:D

college is closed because of thee snow exciteded plus it was this afternoon so yeah i have had 2 days off this week so yeah hopefully me , leyla , alice and emma will be going sledging tomorrow due to the huge amount of snow may aswell take advantage.

plus on saturday i am going out to town should be good it's david's 19th and i am meeting someone who only the other day offered to have sex for me i am not scared or anything it's just i barely know him so i said no just before but i'll still see him on saturday and we are just going to be friends good times.

also it's my 18th in june i really want a blackberry or something designer plus i need to sort out th enight out i will be having in the next few months like taxis , whose staying over , whose coming to my aunties which all my family will be in attendance ahaha embrassing for me because only leyla has met my family.

oh and KATY PERRY & RUSSELL BRAND ARE ENGAGED WTF! IT BEST NOT LAST! ahahah i am so nice i hope he doesn't change his act to suit her if he does he won't be the same.

first blog of 2010

i had a nice xmas tbh :) , today at college was good , i wrote under the word count for my film essay though by like 200 words, still i enjoyed college today and tomorrow i am in till 11:10 i might stay for dinner idk! i probs will though i enoy lunchtime banter tbh.

i realised that i have no new years resolutions :/ well i would make one but it seems impossible so i won't go into to detail! ;)

i feel as if i want to write more but i can't :(
i am reading more and more of my book it has just took me under a month to read 244 pages i hope to finish it tonight then i can lend it to leyla , then alice who bought me it!

oh how i love this book , i really wanna add the author on facebook ahaha :')