i really

need to get this off my chest before it stays there till i forget about it! , ever since sunday the day my Mother died has been on repeat in my head honsently it's horrible it seems like the date she died was just being dragged out over 2 days. the frightening thing is that it was too vivid , to this day i will always remember where i was and when i got that phone call actually i can tell you it right now; the phonecall was at 4:00am , she died at 10:00am , also the day before she died i could have visted her in hospital for the last time which was the 19th i didn't go as i had coursework. i wish i had of still she said my education was more important!

also on sunday my 4 year old cousin told my brother to go see my mother in heaven , my auntie fucking apeshite and so did my grandmother , my brother cried , i cried and my father was close to crying , i know he's only 4 and that he doesn't understand but honsenlty i have never wanted to hurt someone that bad before , seriously i just wanted to throw the table over and walk out. but i didn't i sat and cried instead how pathetic over what a 4 year old said jesus thought i was made of stronger stuff man!